When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. When you do, up to X target creatures each get -1/-1 until end of turn, where X is the number of unique vowels on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)
"And to think, I came in here looking for someone to eat."
This creature enters with two +1/+1 counters on it.
After you roll a die, you may remove a +1/+1 counter from this creature. If you do, increase or decrease the result by 1.
"Hey Glaxxar, did you remember to seal the vents on the seat belt control module?"
—Truss, chief engineer
Creatures you control get +2/+0 and gain alpha strike until end of turn. (A creature with alpha strike has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)
"My Abattoir Ghoul deck is unstoppable. Wait, 1996 World Champion?"
—Johnny, to Spike
This spell costs less to cast for each electrical socket in a wall or floor you can see from your seat.
Gain control of target creature until end of turn. Untap that creature. Until end of turn, it gets +3/+0 and gains haste.
Space can be a lawless place—far from the praying eyes of electrical inspectors.
Put an art sticker on a nonland permanent you own. Then ask a person outside the game to rate its new art on a scale from 1 to 5, where 5 is the best. When they rate the art, up to that many target creatures can't block this turn.
There's no defending against public opinion.
When this enchantment enters, you may put a name sticker on it.
Whenever you put a sticker on this enchantment, it deals damage equal to the number of o's in name stickers on this enchantment to any target.
Employees were instructed to refer to meteor showers as "impromptu fireworks."
This creature has trample as long as you control a stickered permanent.
The results of the test of strength were: Yes.
: You have thirty seconds to laud a creature you control to any people outside the game. Until end of turn, that creature gains trample and haste and gets +X/+0, where X is the number of those people who applauded. Activate only as a sorcery and only once.
Roll three six-sided dice. For each different result, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.
Another day, another item Pietra has to add to the "do not juggle" database.
Haste
When Devil K. Nevil enters, jump it over any number of creatures. If it clears those creatures, put that many +1/+1 counters on it. (You can see a jumping demonstration at DevilKNevil.com.)
"Danger is my middle name. Also, I don't know how to spell."
If a hot source you control would deal damage to a permanent or player, it deals that much damage plus 1 instead. (Something is hot if it has hot things in its art, like fire or explosions.)
, Sacrifice this enchantment: It deals damage equal to twice the number of hot cards in your graveyard to target creature or planeswalker.
Eelectrocute deals 2 damage to any target.
You may cast this card from your graveyard as long as you've rolled a 6 this turn. If you cast it this way and it would be put into your graveyard, exile it instead.
The midway's games aren't so much rigged as they are insulated and grounded.
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. Add for each unique vowel on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)
The Astrotorium has never been a place for self-restraint.
Whenever you place a sticker, create a Treasure token. If it's an art sticker, instead create two Treasure tokens. (They're artifacts with ", Sacrifice this token: Add one mana of any color.")
Once he'd worked out which end of the thing the paint came from, he was promoted to shirt duty.
When this creature enters, open an Attraction.
Whenever you roll a 6, you may copy the spell, ability, or Attraction visit that caused you to roll that die. You may choose new targets for the copy.
The goblins really put themselves into the fireworks show, despite Myra's pleas to stop.
Haste
When this creature enters, create a colorless artifact token named your choice of A, E, I, O, or U.
Whenever this creature attacks, using the first letters of the names of permanents you control, spell a word you haven't spelled this game. It gets +1/+0 until end of turn for each letter in that word.
Reach
Whenever you roll a die, if the result isn't stored on this creature, you may store that result on it. When you do, this creature deals 1 damage to any target without a hat.
This creature gets +1/+0 for each result stored on it.
As Ignacio of Myra's Marvels enters, choose armor, blood, book, bottle, fang, fire, scroll, spear, sword, or water.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen object in its art, create two Treasure tokens.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)
Trample
Whenever this creature attacks, you may put an art sticker on it.
This creature gets +3/+0 for each item in its art that's not touching Juggletron, another item, or the card frame.
It's all fun and games until it drops a guest. Then it's a misdemeanor.
Haste
When this creature enters, you get , then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
"If I ever need a haircut, I just fall a little to the left."
When this creature dies, roll a six-sided die. If the result is 4 or less, this creature deals that much damage to you.
Designed for maximum impact, comedic and otherwise.
Affinity for Clowns (This spell costs less to cast for each Clown you control.)
Trample
This creature deals π damage to each non-Clown creature. (How to calculate π isn't important. It's a smidgen more than 3.)
: Target Robot gets +2/+0 until end of turn.
Programmed to play more than seventy instruments and only one song.
Add . You may open a sealed Magic booster pack. Until end of turn, you may cast spells from among the cards in that booster pack.
"Oooooh!"
—The crowd
"Aaaaaaaaah!"
—Also the crowd
Whenever you roll a die, you may reveal the top card of your library. Do this only once each turn. Whenever you reveal a card with mana value less than the result this way, you may exile it. If you do, you may play it this turn.
The Astrotorium's express lane is practically its own ride.
When this creature enters, you may put an art sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
: Another target creature with an art sticker on it gets +2/+0 and gains menace until end of turn.
When she performed, she was on fire, but in a good way.
When this creature enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
"Rent a scooter and be just like Devil K. Nevil! Just don't go faster than the speed limit. Or jump over anything. Or catch on fire. Or break every bone in your body multiple times. Other than that, just like him!"
Reach
When this creature enters, you may discard a card. If you do, reveal the top five cards of your library. Ask a person outside the game to choose which of them is most like a rock band. Put that card into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in a random order.
Born to, and of, rock.
Choose one —
• Destroy target artifact.
• Roll a six-sided die. When you do, Slight Malfunction deals 1 damage to each of up to X target creatures, where X is the result.
"Attention, valued patrons. The Tilt-o-Squirrel is now closed."
—Astrotorium public address system
When this creature enters, without speaking or indicating any specific creature, pantomime to a person outside the game, then they choose a creature you don't control. This creature deals damage equal to twice the number of Robots you control to the chosen creature.
Silent, but deadly.
Choose a triggered ability of target permanent. It triggers. You control that ability.
Whenever you copy a triggered ability, you may do a little dance.
As Vorthos, Steward of Myth enters, choose a named Magic character.
Each spell you cast with the chosen character in its name, flavor text, or art costs less to cast. This effect reduces only the amount of colored mana you pay.
"Just wait, my Madara deck isn't all Emperor Bolas. There's an Umezawa subtheme!"
Whenever you place a sticker, this creature gets +1/+1 until end of turn. If it's an art sticker, instead put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.
Nobody had ever won the bear, but then again, nobody had ever wanted it quite as much.
Well Done deals 5 damage to target creature. If that creature is rare or mythic rare, Well Done deals 3 damage to that creature's controller.
"What's the big deal? I've been on fire eighty-one times. Twice just while sleeping."
—Devil K. Nevil, daredevil extraordinaire
When this creature enters, choose a letter.
: Untap another target permanent whose name starts with the chosen letter.
"Whimsy overflow in sector G! The gremlins are rampaging and the beetles are on fire!"
Whenever you roll a 1 or 2, put that many +1/+1 counters on this creature.
: Roll a six-sided die.
"If the acrobatic show doesn't wow the audience, we have no one to blame but our elves."
—Myra the Magnificent
Trample
, : You get (a ticket counter).
When Captain Nebula tragically destroyed the planet Blorb-12 in a parking accident, Myra compensated the survivors with lifetime passes.
When this creature enters, roll five six-sided dice and store those results on it.
At the beginning of combat on your turn, you may reroll any number of this creature's stored results.
This creature gets +X/+X, where X is the greatest number of stored results on it of the same value.
Ward (Whenever this creature becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter it unless that player pays .)
When Chicken Troupe enters, you get , then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
Why did the chicken cross the park? To get to the other ride.
When Clandestine Chameleon enters, you get , then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
Clandestine Chameleon has all abilities of ability stickers on other permanents you own and cards in your graveyard.
Search your library for a basic land card, put it onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. Open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
The Astrotorium adds new attractions almost as fast as Captain Nebula can crash them into asteroids.
At the beginning of your end step, if you control an Employee, a Performer, or a Robot, you may get or create a Treasure token. If you control all three, you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
Punchy was programmed to do two things: punch tickets and love punching tickets.
Until end of turn, target non-Brushwagg creature gets +1/+1 for each supertype, card type, and subtype it has.
"Flea circus? No, flee circus!"
Enchant creature you control
When this Aura enters, you may put a name sticker on it. When you do, enchanted creature fights up to one target creature you don't control.
Enchanted creature gets +0/+2 for each name sticker on this Aura with eight or more letters.
You get , then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own. Target creature you control deals damage equal to its power to target creature you don't control.
What the show lacks in historical accuracy, it makes up for in awesome submission holds.
This creature has vigilance as long as you control a stickered permanent.
The milk bottle toss is closed until the rules can be amended.
As Hardy of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a number.
Whenever you cast a spell with the chosen number of lines of flavor text, put that many +1/+1 counters on target creature.
Partner (You can have two commanders if both have partner.)
Each +1/+1 counter on a creature you control is also a Food token. (It's an artifact with ", , Sacrifice this token: You gain 3 life.")
, : Roll two six-sided dice. For each odd result, put a +1/+1 counter on a creature of your choice. Activate only as a sorcery.
Her most popular flavors are vanilla, maple pecan crunch, and Glurgian galactopod.
Choose one or both —
• Destroy target creature with flying.
• Destroy target Attraction. (It's put into its owner's junkyard.)
You may apologize. If you do, you gain 3 life.
"So sorry, but per our waiver, we're not responsible for 'things happening.'"
, : Put two +1/+1 counters on target creature with four or more legs.
, : Until end of turn, all creatures able to block target creature with four or more legs do so.
"Don't worry about me, folks! This beauty was well-fed by my predecessor."
Whenever this Equipment becomes attached to a creature, choose a creature card name with an identical mana cost. That creature becomes a copy of the card with the chosen name until this Equipment becomes unattached from it.
Equip
"Ach! Hans, run! Get the camera. He's adorable!"
—Steffi Bobsdotter, next words
When Lineprancers enters, you get , then you may put a power and toughness sticker on a creature you own.
: Target creature you don't control blocks target creature you control with a power and toughness sticker on it other than Lineprancers this turn if able.
Can you do the can-can-can-can?
Destroy target artifact or enchantment. Create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token for each fire extinguisher you can see from your seat.
In hindsight, Chandra's Incendiary Experience should never have been built next to Auntie Grub's House of Pitch.
Trample
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. Put a +1/+1 counter on it for each unique vowel on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)
"Petting in the petting zoo is not advised."
—Astrotorium waiver
Roll two six-sided dice. Return any number of cards with total mana value X or less from your graveyard to your hand, where X is the total of those results. Exile Pair o' Dice Lost.
The Astrotorium is a zero-waste facility, meaning it deals with zero of its waste.
Reach
When this creature enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Calling it a "petting zoo" really saved on the cages.
As an additional cost to cast this spell, gobble X. (Each time you gobble, take a bite of food or sacrifice a Food token.)
X target creatures you control each get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.
The pie was outstanding. The cobbler tasted like shoes.
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature gets +2/+2 and can't be blocked except by creatures with flavor text.
"If you've got words, we're going to have words."
Trample
Whenever you roll your third die each turn, put a +1/+1 counter on this creature.
This dinosaur doesn't know what will kill him, but he's determined it won't be heart disease.
: Add . Activate only once each turn. (While activating an ability, use rather than tapping the permanent to pay for .)
Elven tap is the official language of three very obnoxious planets.