Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)
Will players understand that the creature is being crushed by two parentheses? Not a chance.
Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.
You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.
True, Gargox had blinded himself for life, but the glass eyes never lost.
This creature enters with two arms and two legs.
Whenever damage is dealt to this creature, remove an arm or a leg from it.
This creature can't attack if it has no legs and can't block if it has no arms.
As this enchantment enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice this enchantment. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)
As this enchantment enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice this enchantment. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)
Flying, first strike, trample
Once each turn, while you're searching your library, you may pay , reveal this card from your library and say "I'm coming, too" If you do, this card deals 2 damage to a player of your choice.
Destroy target nonblack creature.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "kill" or "destroy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Kill! Destroy! from your graveyard to your hand.
Getting "Gotcha'ed" again and again.
Whenever a creature an opponent controls dies, sacrifice this creature unless you insult that creature.
"Word to me."
Skip your untap step.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may pay X life. If you do, untap X permanents.
Pay ½ life: Exile the top card of your library face down. Put that card into your hand at the beginning of the next end step.
Choose an artist other than Rebecca Guay. Target player reveals their hand and discards all nonland cards with art by the chosen artist.
The torches and pitchforks were no match for Rebecca's fans.
Flying, trample
At the beginning of your upkeep, exile the top card of your library and balance it on your body.
When a balanced card falls or touches another balanced card, sacrifice this creature.
Target player discards a card.
Gotcha — If an opponent audibly flicks the cards in their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.
Now for a squirt of lemon juice.
: Choose a word. Target player mills a card. If a card with the chosen word in its text box was milled this way, they lose 3 life.
"C'mon, choose 'monkey.' Everybody loves monkeys!"
Whenever a player's skin or fingernail touches this creature, that player loses 2 life.
Wet Willie of the Damned deals 2½ damage to any target and you gain 2½ life.
Ever the warrior, Glissa responded with a "wedgie from beyond Uranus."
Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.
"Get it? Bunnies, letters, -X/-X? Me neither."
—Bucky, flavor text writer
Target creature gets -X/-X until end of turn, where X is the number of times the letter of your choice appears in that creature's name.
"Get it? Bunnies, letters, -X/-X? Me neither."
—Bucky, flavor text writer
As this creature enters, straighten your arms.
When you bend an elbow, sacrifice this creature.
Oh, does your nose itch?
As this creature enters, choose an artist.
Whenever a permanent with art by the chosen artist is put into a graveyard, put two +1/+1 counters on this creature.
The real advantage of being a zombie gamer? No one notices the stench.
At the beginning of your upkeep, destroy all nonland permanents with the first name alphabetically among nonland permanents.
Tired of always being picked last, the wizard Zzzyxas created the ultimate revenge.
Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.
Who wants to see a picture of a big hairy ass?
Madness , cycling , kicker , flashback , buyback
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.
Madness , cycling , kicker , flashback , buyback
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.
Enchant creature
This enchantment consumes and confuses enchanted creature.
Trample
When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.
Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.
Until he got singed . . .
At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether this creature attacks this turn.
Envying the intelligence of goblins is a bad place to be.
You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.
Befuddled by this new game, Argg longed for the days of Rock, Rock, Rock.
Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
The pen is mightier than the sword.
Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)
The pen is mightier than the sword.
When you speak, sacrifice this creature.
Pretending to be inside an invisible box was easy enough for Brug. It was finding the invisible door that caused him problems.
When you speak, sacrifice this creature.
Pretending to be inside an invisible box was easy enough for Brug. It was finding the invisible door that caused him problems.
First strike
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.
SECRET AGENT
PD042198
LICENSE TO BE KILLED
Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on this creature unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.
They put the "special" in special weapons and tactics.
Add for each nonland permanent with art by the artist of your choice.
What began as black
Has slowly shifted to red.
Fickle color pie.
Sacrifice a creature or land: Add .
Poached Rukh Eggs
Rock
Cooked Rock
Unicorn-on-the-Cob
Wormfang Turtle Soup
Sacrifice a creature or land: Add .
Poached Rukh Eggs
Rock
Cooked Rock
Unicorn-on-the-Cob
Wormfang Turtle Soup
When this creature enters, flip it from a height of at least one foot. Sacrifice this creature unless it turns over completely at least once during the flip and lands face up.
IOU one parashoot
—Urk, mogg fanatic
Punctuate deals damage to target creature equal to half the number of punctuation marks in that creature's text box. (The punctuation marks are ! ? , ; : - — ( ) / " " ' ' & .)
"Ooh—right in the colon."
, , Sacrifice a creature: This creature deals X damage to target creature, where X is a number in the sacrificed creature's text box.
"487. You're welcome."
—Bucky, flavor text writer
Whenever this creature deals damage to a creature, put a third-degree-burn counter on that creature. It gains "At the beginning of each end step, sacrifice this creature unless you scream 'Aaah!' at the top of your lungs."
She was winning the Dominarian "Are You Hot?" competition until disaster struck during the wet T-shirt round.
Super haste (This may attack the turn before you cast it. (You may put this card from your hand onto the battlefield tapped and attacking during your declare attackers step. If you do, you lose the game at the beginning of your next turn's end step unless you pay this card's mana cost during that turn.))
Did you go through all the trouble to unscramble this?
Sauté deals 3½ damage to any target.
"Selecting the proper beeble is the key to a good sauté. The pinker the fur and the heartier the yelp, the more succulent the beeble will be when you pop it in your mouth."
—Asmoranomardicadaistinaculdacar, The Underworld Cookbook
As this creature enters, you secretly put six or fewer +1/+1 counters on it, then an opponent guesses the number of counters. If that player guesses right, sacrifice this creature after it enters.
Is it six?
Destroy target land.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.
Judge's ruling: The interior of the face still counts as the face, so a nose-pick is legitimate grounds for saying "Gotcha!"
Destroy target land.
Gotcha — If an opponent touches their face, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.
Judge's ruling: The interior of the face still counts as the face, so a nose-pick is legitimate grounds for saying "Gotcha!"
All creatures have haste.
Players play with the top card of their libraries revealed.
Noninstant, nonsorcery cards on top of a library are on the battlefield under their owner's control in addition to being in that library.
It puts the "vortex" in "flavortext."
Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
This creature gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.
There was a farmer, had a hound . . .
Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.
There once was a player named Quinn, . . .
Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.
The party was going strong for nearly an hour past midnight—then all of a sudden it just petered out.
This creature gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)
Our lawyers say no matter how funny it would be, we can't encourage players to eat the cards. Hear that? Whatever you do, don't eat the delicious cards.
As this enchantment enters, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.
Creatures can't attack you.
You have shroud.
You can't cast spells.
, : Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.
Bitten by radioactive beebles in a freak algebra accident, young Ricky Robertson discovered he'd gained the ability to harness the awesome power of fractions!
As this creature enters, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)
When the chosen finger isn't touching this creature, sacrifice this creature.
You gain life equal to your age.
R&D Comments
BB 10/10: Why does a life-gaining card show an old lady killing people?
MR (10/10/03): We'll fix it in the flavor text.
All creatures with art by the artist of your choice get +2/+2 and gain trample until end of turn.
WARNING: THE DOMINARIAN SURGEON GENERAL HAS FOUND THAT SAVAGE BEATINGS CAN LEAD TO CHUMP BLOCKS, LIFE REDUCTION, AND EVEN GAME LOSS.
As this creature enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, this creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
This is not a subliminal message.
As this creature enters, choose a word.
Whenever an opponent says the chosen word, this creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn.
This is not a subliminal message.
Search your library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle. If you sang a song the whole time you were searching and shuffling, you may untap that land.
Gotcha — If an opponent laughs, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return this card from your graveyard to your hand.
"Two muffins are baking in an oven. One muffin says to the other muffin, 'It's getting hot in here, huh?' The other muffin says, 'Aagh! A talking muffin!'"