, Reveal Standard Procedure from your hand: Choose an instant or sorcery card with mana value 3 or less currently legal in the Standard format. Standard Procedure becomes that card until end of turn.
Can it be Lightning Bolt yet?
Flying
When Aerialephant enters, you get , then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
Everyone wants to talk about the elephant in this room.
Vigilance
Assembled Ensemble's power is equal to the number of Robots you control.
Whenever you cast a spell with an artifact creature in its art, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.
Known for their hit single "Your Wait from This Point Is Seven Hours."
Choose one —
• Destroy target creature with power 4 or greater.
• Destroy target creature with any part of its head higher than the bar. (Align the tops of both cards to check.)
"You will either begin or end the ride no taller than this."
Flying
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it. You gain X life, where X is the number of unique vowels on that sticker. (The vowels are A, E, I, O, U, and Y.)
It's not like anyone else really wanted it.
Create two 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature tokens, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is equal to or less than the number of Robots you control, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.
The Astrotorium's Clown-Bots are programmed to delight attendees by any means necessary.
When this creature enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Whenever you roll a 1, create a 1/1 white Clown Robot artifact creature token.
The longest lines in the park.
Rather than choose the indicated number of modes for spells and abilities you control, you may choose one or more modes. You can't choose any mode more than once.
Memories that will technically last the rest of your life.
When this enchantment enters, you gain 7 life. You become a card until you leave your library or that library is shuffled. Put yourself seventh from the top, balancing the cards on top of you on your head.
When you draw yourself, you win the game.
When one or more cards fall off your head, exile them and all cards on your head, then sacrifice this enchantment.
Flash
When this enchantment enters, exile target nonland permanent until it (this card) leaves the battlefield, then touch it (this card) to your head. When it (this card) stops touching it (your head), sacrifice it (the card, not your head).
Enchant nonland permanent
As this Aura enters, choose a person outside the game.
As long as you can see the chosen person from your seat, enchanted permanent can't attack or block, and its activated abilities can't be activated.
You haven't seen it until you see it in 6-D.
Tap up to two target creatures.
Whenever you put a name sticker on a creature, you may return this card from your graveyard to your hand.
"What could be funnier than one big pie to the face? Unless . . . no. Could it be that simple?"
—Pietra, Crafter of Clowns
Target blocking or blocked creature you control gets +1/+1 and gains first strike until end of turn. If it has a hat, it gains double strike until end of turn. If you and that creature each have a hat, the creature gains triple strike until end of turn.
"Behold the power of my hat and the ghosts of two other hats I used to own!"
When this creature enters, you may say "INCARCERATE!" in a robot voice. If you do, exile another target artifact or enchantment until this creature leaves the battlefield.
Not all tickets can be exchanged for prizes.
Alpha strike (This creature has first strike as long as it's blocking or being blocked by a creature that comes after it alphabetically.)
"'Carol, blast those aliens.' 'Carol, transport these concessions.' No one cares that today is my birthday."
As Katerina of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a letter.
Whenever you cast a spell whose name begins with the chosen letter, create a white 2/2 Cat creature token with flying.
Partner (You can have two commanders if they both have partner.)
First strike
As this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on it.
This creature has protection from names that start with the same letter as a name sticker on it.
The lucky armor stopped lightning and lasers, but sadly, also love.
Choose two letters. Put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control whose name begins with either of the chosen letters.
"If people are always on the edge of their seats, we can save money on chair backs."
—Myra the Magnificent
As an additional cost to cast this spell, choose A through M or N through Z.
Destroy each creature whose name begins with a letter in the chosen range.
"Anna and Blaine said the ride was awesome. Yolanda and Zachary aren't back yet."
Exile target creature you control, then return it to the battlefield under its owner's control with X +1/+1 counters on it, where X is the number of mirrors on walls you can see from your seat.
With enough showmanship, even mundane items like playing cards or molecular teleporters can produce a mesmerizing spectacle.
Whenever another creature you own enters, you get .
, : You may put a sticker on a creature you own that entered this turn.
Once he stopped eating tickets, Bixby was a model employee.
Return up to two target creature cards that each have a hat and/or mana value 3 or less from your graveyard to the battlefield.
"Control to Truss. Chief, the entry scan software is reading babies as hot dogs. Again."
—Glaxxar, engineering assistant
When this Equipment enters, you may put an ability sticker with ticket cost X or less on it without paying that sticker's ticket cost.
Equipped creature gets +1/+1 and has all abilities of ability stickers on this Equipment.
Equip
When this creature enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
"When riding Erebos's Whip, remember to keep your arms, legs, and any strange flailing appendages inside the vehicle at all times."
When Robo-Piñata dies, choose one —
• You get .
• You may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
"I AM FILLED WITH DELICIOUS CANDY. I AM NOT A TRICK."
This creature has lifelink as long as you control a stickered permanent.
The midway offers every flavor under the sun, even to guests who need to stay out of it.
Auras and Equipment you control attached to Solaflora, Intergalactic Icon affect other creatures you control as though those Auras and Equipment were attached to them.
Counters and stickers on Solaflora affect other creatures you control as though those counters and stickers were on them.
Parade! — At the beginning of combat on your turn, choose creatures you control one at a time until each creature you control has been chosen. Each of those creatures gets +1/+1 until end of turn for each creature chosen before it. (Places everyone! The first creature in line gets +0/+0.)
When this enchantment enters, yell "Surprise!" and put onto the battlefield any number of printed Clown Robot tokens that aren't touching each other, that you hid on the battlefield before you cast this enchantment, and that weren't spotted by an opponent before you cast this enchantment.
Robots you control get +1/+0 and have vigilance.
Flying, vigilance
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
, : Put a +1/+1 counter on another target creature with a name sticker on it. Activate only as a sorcery.
, Tap an untapped creature you control that has a hat: Tap target creature.
"'Technologically-Advanced People-Pleasing Entertainment Robot', eh? Nice hat. Would be a shame if something happened to it."
—"Brims" Barone, midway mobster
Flying
This creature enters by being flipped from a height of at least one foot (about 0.3 meters). If it lands face down or didn't turn over completely at least once during the flip, return it to its owner's hand.
Heinrich catches the trapeze only about half the time, but he looks so good falling.
You get seven . Choose an inanimate object you own from outside the game. Put a power and toughness sticker on it. You may also put a name sticker, an art sticker, and/or an ability sticker on it. Put it onto the battlefield as a creature token.
Tap beverages with extreme caution.
When this artifact enters, you may put an art sticker on it.
, : Until end of turn, target creature becomes a blue Shark with base power and toughness 4/4. If the cracks in this artifact's art are completely covered, that creature becomes a blue Octopus with base power and toughness 8/8 instead. Activate only as a sorcery.
Flying
When this creature enters, you may put a name sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
: Another target creature with a name sticker on it gains flying until end of turn.
Cute as a mutton.
Counter target spell, then ask a person outside the game if that spell looks dangerous to them. If they say yes, draw a card, then discard a card.
"As long as there's no outside food, you're good to go."
Protection from Robots
, : The next time target player would roll one or more dice this turn, instead they roll that many dice plus one and you choose one of those rolls to ignore.
Myra bought beebles because they were cheaper than rubber ducks. Now the infestation is her largest expense.
Whenever Bioluminary deals combat damage to a player, you get , then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
The Gargantikari astroserpent hated the taste of merfolk, but the audience didn't need to know that.
: An opponent tells you a statement about themselves and secretly notes whether it's true or false. You guess which it is. If you guessed correctly, this creature gets +2/+0 and can't be blocked this turn.
Lying to a fish is such an unthinkable act, most planets don't even have a law against it.
Return target creature to its owner's hand, then roll a six-sided die. If the result is 3 or less, scry a number of cards equal to the result.
Sometimes the Astrotorium's stunts look dangerous because they absolutely are.
Counter target spell unless its controller pays , where X is the number of words in the name with the most words among permanents you control.
"All you gotta do is panic with purpose. And plead your innocence with purpose. And have your mom bail you out with purpose."
Choose two —
• Open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
• Roll to visit your Attractions.
• You get .
• You may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
This creature has flying as long as you control a stickered permanent.
"I designed the Astrotorium's jetpacks to be lightweight and inexpensive. Nobody mentioned reliable."
—Truss, chief engineer
Reveal the top three cards of your library, then choose a consonant. (Y counts.) Put each card that has the chosen letter in the first word of its name from among them into your hand and the rest on the bottom of your library in any order.
To B, or not to B.
When this enchantment enters, choose two target creatures. For as long as this enchantment remains on the battlefield, exchange the text boxes of those creatures.
Before criticizing, walk a mile (about 1.6 kilometers) in their head. That way, when you do, you're a mile away and you have their head.
As Fluros of Myra's Marvels enters, choose a number greater than 0.
Whenever you cast a spell with power, toughness, or loyalty equal to the chosen number, target artifact or creature becomes an artifact creature with base power and toughness X/X until end of turn, where X is the chosen number.
Partner
Flash
As this creature enters, you may put an art sticker on the empty side of the balancing pole. When you do, ask a person outside the game "Does this look balanced?" If they say yes, you may tap or untap target creature.
Flying
When Glitterflitter enters, you get , then you may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own.
There are no small parts, only small performers.
Whenever you cast a spell, you may have target player mill X cards, where X is the number of words in that spell's name.
Against the infinite backdrop of space, isn't all golf miniature?
Flash
When this enchantment enters, you may put a name sticker on it.
Whenever you put a sticker on this enchantment, tap up to X target creatures, where X is the number of u's in name stickers on this enchantment.
The largest dunk tank in forty-seven galaxies.
Using a mobile device, take a picture of target creature. That device enters as a token that's a photocopy of the pictured creature. (Photocopies include Auras, Equipment, counters, and stickers in the shot. Don't touch other people's phones without permission and be careful if you do.)
When this creature enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Once each turn, you may pay to reroll one or more dice you rolled.
Nine fires, a hull breach, and a Quafloovian meganibbler escaped from the petting zoo. Things were suspiciously quiet.
Enchant creature
When this Aura enters, tap enchanted creature.
Enchanted creature doesn't untap during its controller's untap step.
Whenever you visit an Attraction, you may attach this Aura to target tapped creature.
When this enchantment enters, create a 4/4 blue Octopus Performer creature token named Contortionist with "At the beginning of your upkeep, you may fold this token in half." (It becomes 2/2, then 1/1, ½/½, and so on.)
Sacrifice this enchantment: Draw a card and an additional card for each of Contortionist's folds.
Call someone and ask them to choose one. If they don't answer, an opponent chooses one. (Don't explain anything else. You choose targets.)
• A — Gain control of target creature you don't control.
• B — Choose target creature you control. Create two tokens that are each copies of it.
• C — Take an extra turn after this one.
• D — Draw seven cards.
Whenever you cast a spell, copy it and you may choose new targets for the copy. Then balance a card from outside the game on one of your fingertips. When that card falls or touches another card, sacrifice this enchantment.
For extra style points, spin them.
Defender
, : You get .
, : You may put a sticker on a nonland permanent you own. Activate only as a sorcery.
"That bear's been there since the Astrotorium opened. I've seen it move."
—Ernst, deep fry cook
When this creature enters, open an Attraction. (Put the top card of your Attraction deck onto the battlefield.)
Everyone comments on the buttons, but few appreciate the pedals.
Put target creature into its owner's library just beneath the top X cards of that library, where X is the number of doors you can see from your seat.
Fblthp decided to get some sleep, nestled among the plush Ajanis until morning.
Flying
Whenever you cast an alliterative spell, scry 2. (Anything with two or more capitalized words in its name that begin with the same letter is alliterative.)
Other alliterative creatures you control have flying.